So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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