I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
