I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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