we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
