btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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