I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
