Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this just has baby written all over it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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