return my video game
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
