How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
