you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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