it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We named our party play list daddy issues
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want to fling myself into the sun
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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