he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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