Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
