We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
