So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
