HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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