Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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