Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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