Christians are straight up FREAKS
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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