you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
