Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
