I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
