Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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