I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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