I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
