my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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