In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
