It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
