i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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