i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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