eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
