I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All I want is dick and wine.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize