You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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