remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
