Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
