i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
