my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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