so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
