I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
