1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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