I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
