masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
