Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
