Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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