If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
