My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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