i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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