Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
