And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
