I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
