just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
