mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
