yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
