the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My vagina is officially offended.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
