OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
