Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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