they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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