I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
