So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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