DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
