I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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