I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
