yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
