I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
