I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
