everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
