Nicole vs. Life
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
