if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
