I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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