Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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