I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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