I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
