I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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