Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
