Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
is that a dick in a sweater?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
