grandma shit on top of the toilet
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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