she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm at about main and main street
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
