Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
