And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
