thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
