Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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