Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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