you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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